Marks Family Adoption
by Nick Marks 1 Lives Impacted
As many of you know, we are in the process of adopting a 9 year old boy named Leo.We have felt for many years that the direction of our lives were ...
Real Life Updates Posted about ago
I have been asked so many times over the last month how we have been. I think the best I can reply is "It really depends on which hour of which day you ask me."
You see, this is such a fallen world, and this situation is not one that people would consider to be glamorous and beautiful. Except that.... in many ways, that's exactly how people are thinking of it. And therein lies my inner conflict when answering someone about how everyone is doing with all of this. Most people want to hear about the "beauty" and not about the "gritty" side of all of this.
Because of the beautiful picture that we are given of adoption in the Bible - being accepted in our ugliness (enemies of God!) to a royal, perfect family of God. It's truly beautiful beyond words. The "rescue" of a child living in a bad situation plays out that scenario in a small way. Except that we can not provide redemption for a child - not in the eternal way that God did for us. We can not love him perfectly, or even know perfectly how to help him or our other children through this. And therefore, we (I) become overwhelmed, impatient, imperfect in our responses toward different circumstances that arise.
We have fully given over our home and family to a 9 year old who has been being brought up as a toddler/preschooler. It's overwhelming some days to keep calling him up out of the immaturities that come with how he was previously raised. It has delayed his social skills, emotional skills (as in properly being able to handle anger when not getting his way), and even appropriate touch. There are emotionally exhausting days, but also days that are more and more starting to feel settled and "normal" - one of my most encouraged moments was when our newest son tattled because someone had moved something he was going to use. It wasn't a toddler whine, and wasn't favor-seeking (I know that may seem confusing, but really, we have gone between him trying to prove himself as better than the other kids, or acting like a baby). This tattle was a typical, age appropriate voice with a reasonable request for the child who moved the toy to replace it. It was a victory in my eyes! As much as I hate tattling, I also was SO encouraged by typical behavior!
Adoption is a hard thing for many humans to grasp. Other people tend to tell us "I'm so proud of you!" or "I could never do it, so better you than me!" or "Are you sure that's best? Can you handle this?" I have to tell all of you that this is not pretty. It is not easy. We knew it wouldn't be, and honestly I can't say we would ever tell someone else that this is a good idea. But God has been working at our hearts for years preparing us to be open to this hardship. It is in HIS strength that we are facing each new day. When people tell me how happy they are for me because this has been my dream for as long as I can remember, I cringe inside. Because this - adoption of a 9 year old who is not in birth order with my children and who has such an unhealthy past - was never - EVER - my dream. My dream was a baby, who I could nurture from early on before damage was done; who would grow up with our family culture. My dream was idealistic. But it is also my dream (read: CALLING) to minister and love others in a sacrificial, god-honoring way. It is my dream to be obedient to the fullest extent. It is my dream to teach my family about loving others in the way that Christ loved us, in the way that adoption was demonstrated toward us in the gospel.
It is moment by moment at our house. Day by day. As my friend, Whitney, said last weekend: One foot in front of the other. That's how we get through suffering and hard times. God isn't asking me to change the world. He is asking me to obey, to seek him, and to point my family to him.
The verse that has echoed in our home recently is "Train up a child in the way he should go." Proverbs 22:6. I am not called to be the Savior, and I am not required to do all of the work around here. I am called to train up all 5 of our kids in a way that honors my heavenly father. It is in his strength that we face each day, and in his forgiveness that I rely on as I fall short of this.
You see, this is such a fallen world, and this situation is not one that people would consider to be glamorous and beautiful. Except that.... in many ways, that's exactly how people are thinking of it. And therein lies my inner conflict when answering someone about how everyone is doing with all of this. Most people want to hear about the "beauty" and not about the "gritty" side of all of this.
Because of the beautiful picture that we are given of adoption in the Bible - being accepted in our ugliness (enemies of God!) to a royal, perfect family of God. It's truly beautiful beyond words. The "rescue" of a child living in a bad situation plays out that scenario in a small way. Except that we can not provide redemption for a child - not in the eternal way that God did for us. We can not love him perfectly, or even know perfectly how to help him or our other children through this. And therefore, we (I) become overwhelmed, impatient, imperfect in our responses toward different circumstances that arise.
We have fully given over our home and family to a 9 year old who has been being brought up as a toddler/preschooler. It's overwhelming some days to keep calling him up out of the immaturities that come with how he was previously raised. It has delayed his social skills, emotional skills (as in properly being able to handle anger when not getting his way), and even appropriate touch. There are emotionally exhausting days, but also days that are more and more starting to feel settled and "normal" - one of my most encouraged moments was when our newest son tattled because someone had moved something he was going to use. It wasn't a toddler whine, and wasn't favor-seeking (I know that may seem confusing, but really, we have gone between him trying to prove himself as better than the other kids, or acting like a baby). This tattle was a typical, age appropriate voice with a reasonable request for the child who moved the toy to replace it. It was a victory in my eyes! As much as I hate tattling, I also was SO encouraged by typical behavior!
Adoption is a hard thing for many humans to grasp. Other people tend to tell us "I'm so proud of you!" or "I could never do it, so better you than me!" or "Are you sure that's best? Can you handle this?" I have to tell all of you that this is not pretty. It is not easy. We knew it wouldn't be, and honestly I can't say we would ever tell someone else that this is a good idea. But God has been working at our hearts for years preparing us to be open to this hardship. It is in HIS strength that we are facing each new day. When people tell me how happy they are for me because this has been my dream for as long as I can remember, I cringe inside. Because this - adoption of a 9 year old who is not in birth order with my children and who has such an unhealthy past - was never - EVER - my dream. My dream was a baby, who I could nurture from early on before damage was done; who would grow up with our family culture. My dream was idealistic. But it is also my dream (read: CALLING) to minister and love others in a sacrificial, god-honoring way. It is my dream to be obedient to the fullest extent. It is my dream to teach my family about loving others in the way that Christ loved us, in the way that adoption was demonstrated toward us in the gospel.
It is moment by moment at our house. Day by day. As my friend, Whitney, said last weekend: One foot in front of the other. That's how we get through suffering and hard times. God isn't asking me to change the world. He is asking me to obey, to seek him, and to point my family to him.
The verse that has echoed in our home recently is "Train up a child in the way he should go." Proverbs 22:6. I am not called to be the Savior, and I am not required to do all of the work around here. I am called to train up all 5 of our kids in a way that honors my heavenly father. It is in his strength that we face each day, and in his forgiveness that I rely on as I fall short of this.
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Portland, OR, US
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