As many of you know, I have spent the last two years trying to become a mom though adoption. For those of you who didn't already know.....SURPRISE!  

I began my journey in May 2019 and my profile went "live" in November 2019. After waiting over a year, in February 2021 I was finally matched! Baby girl was due in Kentucky on Mother's Day. Unfortunately, a month later in March 2021, this match failed as the expectant mom decided she wanted to place with a local couple instead of a single mom in California. 

In mid-June, I got the call again - I'd be matched! Another baby girl (woohoo!) due in Texas on August 10. Over the next two months, I'd spend time getting to know the expectant mom, about her family, and preparing for the baby's arrival. BM is 20 years old and this is her first child. When I asked her why she'd picked me, she said she'd "been taken advantage of by most men in (her) life since (she) was a child" so when she found out she was having a girl she knew she had to get her away from there. She proceeded to ask me questions ensuring I was single. I would later find out that her other 2 choices were both lesbian couples. 

Sunday evening, August 1, I was packing my travel bag and preparing a list of to-dos to finish up in my last week at work before BM went into labor. BM wasn't due until the 10th but realistically I knew it could be anytime now and I wanted to be ready to hop the first flight I could once I got the call. Being young, alone with little to no support, and this being her 1st pregnancy, she was fearful of delivering (understandably so!). The case worker and I agreed that if she didn't go into labor that week, I was flying down on Sat, August 7 anyway so that I could be there to support her. At 8:55PM, just as I'd finished my work for the evening, I got a call from my BM informing me that she was in the hospital and there was no heartbeat. The baby was gone but she was going to have to deliver it anyway. I frantically looked for a flight but it was too late. The next flight wasn't until the following morning and by the time I'd arrive, I'd be too late. Instead, my mom immediately came over and took me to their house where I stayed up all night video chatting with my BM all the way through. At 1:25PM CDT on Monday, August 2, 2021, baby girl was delivered.....stillborn. BM and I named her Aurora, like Sleeping Beauty and the gorgeous colors that dance in the northern/southern night skies. She was 7lbs 8oz, 19 in long.

On her due date, carrying an empty car seat, I returned broken-heartedly to a home setup to welcome baby girl. 💔 To add to salt to the wound, I received a notification that the $10k grant I was awarded to pay for birthmom’s medical, living, and other expenses was revoked since placement did not occur leaving me not only responsible for the costs but also feeling as if I was being told that dead children don't count. 🤦🏻‍♀️Aurora counted. She may have been stillborn but she was still born. 

My heart is broken in ways I never knew it could break. I knew this journey would not be easy but I never imagined, in my wildest dreams, that it would go like this. While I’m not ready to see anyone or talk about it any more than in this note, please know I am grateful for all of the love, support, and thoughts/prayers. 💕

Love,

Tiffany 

If you’d like to make a tax deductible donation to be used for birthmom’s medical and up to 6 weeks postpartum living expenses (housing - currently a hotel room, food, transportation, medical costs, etc), as well as funeral costs, it would be greatly appreciated. No amount is too small.