THE ADOPTION PROCESS:

HOME STUDY

That June we began working with a Home Study only agency; we had interviewed and researched many. When you begin a home study, you need to select the desired age range for which to be approved. Megan was conflicted over whether to adopt an infant or a bit older (single or sibling group). Thanks to Ruben’s practical reasoning, he put her mind at rest with the simple logic that we are the youngest we will ever be, so let’s start young, and then adopt older next time.

Different adoption agencies only accept certain home studies, so we needed to decide where we wanted to adopt from first.  Initially we wanted to adopt locally, but for various reasons, Virginia doesn’t have very many babies for adoption. After prayer and researching statistics, we decided to go through a Florida agency that another adoptive couple had successfully used. Megan contacted them and ensured that they would accept a home study by Loving Families, Inc.

Over a period of 3 ½ months, we compiled, filled out, and applied for all sorts of forms and background checks. If you wonder why there is so much paperwork, think about this: for every bad action by an adult to a child, there is addition to the approval process. We had 3 home visits and interviews (both joint and individual) by our case worker.

There were highs and lows along the way, but as of late September we received our approved home study!

APPLYING TO AN ADOPTION AGENCY

Thinking the “paperwork pregnancy” was over, Megan and Ruben eagerly applied to Gift of Life Adoptions….and were accepted….and sent over another stack of documents.

Much of this is due to the fact that we live out of state, and this requires an Interstate Compact to bring the child across state lines when the time comes to bring them home. This compact originated due to child trafficking.

SOME FACTS

When adopting from birth, it is actually the birth parent that chooses you, not the other way around.  Part of the paperwork process is filling out a form with your preferences, what you will accept, and what you will not. For example, you can select the ethnicity, gender, twins, triplets, siblings vs. no siblings, mental and physical health issues in the birth mom and her family, whether you will accept little or no prenatal care, conception due to rape or incest, known or unknown birth father, etc. Thus, when a birthparent comes into the agency and she matches your specifications, she will be shown your profile book.

The average wait time for infant adoption varies greatly.  In Virginia it’s about 2 to 4 years. In Florida it’s 6 to 9 months. This information is substantiated by the fact that Florida adopted out almost twice as many babies last year as Virginia.

Each state has its own rules and timelines, mainly around how long the birthparents have to change their mind after the birth of their child. In Virginia, they have 10 days to decide if they want to keep their baby after birth, and not give them up for adoption. (However, if birthparents decide not give up their parental rights, they still have to prove that they can emotionally, mentally, and physically provide for the child).

Florida gives 3 days to decide. Personally, as much as a heartbreaking struggle it must be for a birth parent, I don’t think it’s healthy for anyone involved to drag the process out longer than necessary. Some states give up to 30 days.

To finalize adoption in Virginia, it takes about 6 months and 3 more home visits once the child is placed with the adoptive parents. This is to ensure everything is going well, and to provide any support or resources that may be needed.

Openness in adoption is becoming more common; there have been countless cases of children growing up wondering who their birthparent is, often feeling like a part of them is missing. It is believed to be healthier for everyone involved to remove this “mystery” from the equation.

I also cannot imagine what the birth-mom goes through: she is incredibly brave to carry her child to term, knowing all the while she is going to give them up in hopes of a better life for them. So while the first reaction to openness may be one of “why is this necessary?,” I can understand a lot of birth parents would want to know their child is okay.

Gift of Life Adoptions requires a certain level of openness, with the option for more (via non-identifying means through the agency). You must agree to: send letter and photo updates every month for the first 3 months, once at 6 months, once at 12 months, and then once a year until the age of 18. At this point, the child can decide whether to contact the agency to find their birthparents. You can also specify: untraceable phone calls and/or emails before and/or after the birth, as well as in person visits before and/or after, and if you want to be at the hospital for the birth (the birthparent must agree to this).