20 months. 23 potential matches. 15 times we showed our profile. 2 times we were chosen. 1 baby girl.

 

Alice Ray was born on May 14th in Leadville, CO. She was 6 pounds, 4 ounces of pure perfection. Her birth parents were unaware of the pregnancy and decided to make an adoption plan when she was born. They also asked that the agency select the adoptive family. They felt that they wanted to ‘ask the universe’ who was meant to be this beautiful babies parents because they knew it was not them.

 

I got the call on May 15th as I was driving to work. “Are you sitting down?” asked our caseworker. “Sure.” She told me there was a baby girl born the prior day and then she said… “If you want her, then she is yours…” I didn’t understand. How could she be mine? I hadn’t shown my profile. Our case worker explained that this match was what they called an ‘agency choice’ and the agency unanimously decided this was the perfect baby for our family. We picked her up from the hospital in Frisco, CO on May 16th. Two days after she was born. We spent the afternoon with her birth parents, two of the most beautiful people we have ever met, and then we were discharged.

 

Alice is a total dream. She has a full head of hair and beautiful alert eyes that go cross eyed when she focuses on something for too long. She has freckles forming on the tip of her nose, long fingers and strange little toe nails. She barely cries unless she is hungry or dirty. She loves to be held by anyone, especially her mama. Almost everything can be solved with a mommy snuggle. Daddy snuggles are a close second. She tracks the sound of Braydon’s voice and loves watching him play. Her favorite toy is the infamous ‘Happy Apple', which has been passed down through generations of our family. We love every ounce of her from the top of her expressive face to the tip of her toes.

 

Ali Ray was meant to be ours. I believe that with every ounce of my being. She was undoubtedly worth the wait, but her existence does not erase the past 20 months. The 3 'big brother' shirts that we purchased for Braydon that he out grew before he could earn his big brother title. The countless weekends where we cancelled all of our plans because we might be chosen for the current match. 20 months without a family vacation… Not wanting to travel in case it was finally our time. A joyful trip to Oklahoma followed by the crushing reality that we were not bringing home Hallie. Explaining to Braydon why Hallie didn't come home. Braydon telling us he was mad because we were not getting him a baby and pleading to take home one of the babies that were born into our friend group. Days turned weeks of time off of work because of a potential match. Almost a whole years salary spent. Therapy as a couple. Individual therapy. Countless tears and bottles of wine and a whole lot of feeling all alone. Smiling while telling people, "It's okay… this baby was not meant to be" all while our hearts were breaking, yet again. 15 pounds gained. 3 home studies. 2 sets of FBI fingerprints.

 

Sometimes we held onto one another for dear life, sometimes we didn’t. We grew up. We changed. We heard stories of loss, infertility, secondary infertility, miscarriage, IVF, foster care and counted our lucky stars for the baby boy we already had. Our eyes were opened to our blessings all while feeling like we would never have a second chance. Now we have Ali and I am grateful, shocked and saddened… I love Ali Ray, I miss Hallie Rose. Both girls are a part of my adoption journey and both girls were meant to be.

 

We can (and do) feel overjoyed and complete while also feeling emotionally bruised and battered. The adoption journey has changed our family in so many ways both good and bad and we are far from done. The birth parents elected to expedite the relinquishment of their parental rights. The necessary paperwork has been filed with the court and so that step is done. Thank goodness.

 

The next six months are filled with home visits, reports, etc. until we are able to officially file a petition to adopt. In the meantime, we have temporary guardianship of Alice. We are hoping to finalize in December. Best Christmas present ever.

 

I'd love to keep sharing about the adoption journey and do apologize it has taken so long to share this update. I have been stuck in a surreal reality where my baby girl is home. All I want to do is hold her, feed her, love on her and thank heaven for her. She is home!

 

We have found our missing piece ya'll.

 

XO&.