Match #13 was a young couple living right outside of Dallas. They were high school sweethearts in a long-term committed relationship. The birth-mother was a first generation American and both her parents were born and raised in Mexico. Together the couple had decided to make an adoption plan for their child, so they could finish school and pursue their career goals. They were expecting a baby boy due June 30th, 2019.

 

For every match we receive, we are provided three documents.

• 'At A Glance' - A document written by the intake agency with an overview of the birth-parents and a summary of the adoption plan they are pursuing.
• 'Expense Estimate Form' - A detailed estimate of the total cost of that specific adoption.
• 'Medical and Social History of the Birth Parent' - An extensive overview about the birth-parents and their medical history, which is completed by the birth-parents themselves.

 

With those three documents, we are asked to decide if we want our profile to be presented to the birth parents.

 

It is always complicated to decline a match. We struggled with the decision to decline Match #13. On paper, they were such a beautiful sweet couple. It would have been effortless to share their story with our adopted child. That said, there were three strikes that ultimately made the decision for us. Strike one, baby was due at the end of June, which meant a longer waiting period then we had hoped for. Strike two, the due date was 4 days after Braydon's birthday and I was super anxious about the potential of having to miss Braydon's fourth birthday to attend the birth. Strike three, it was by far the most expensive match we had been presented.

 

Match #14 was shown to us on February 28th. The match was with a birth-mother in Colorado with a traumatic story on how she ended up pregnant. The due date was on March 24th, 2019. The baby gender was unknown. Birth-mother was young, single, smart and well educated. Corey and I both felt really connected to her and agreed immediately that we wanted to be considered. I wrote her a long heartfelt letter about our family. Then, we waited. Crossed our fingers. Our toes. And actually felt excited. Really really excited. It was the first time since our match with Hallie's birth-mother that we really wanted THAT specific baby. It felt like the perfect match. The due date was close, but not too close. The baby was going to be born in Colorado, so we could go home after discharge from the hospital. We loved that the gender was unknown. After five days, we were told we were not selected.

 

3 days later, on March 8th, we got Match #15. The birth-mother was in Oklahoma, the baby gender was unknown and the due date was March 11th, 2019. The birth-mother ended up going into labor before she chose an adopted family and had a beautiful healthy baby boy. Again, long story short, we were not selected. Talk about a roller-coaster!

 

The rejection of not being chosen is starting to weigh pretty heavily on my heart. It is a unique sense of pain to hear that a birth-mother, who has chosen not to parent, doesn't think you are the right parent… I barely have the words. We have been told 'no' so many times. Each 'no' gives the voice in my head that is telling me that we may be unworthy more assertion. That maybe something is wrong with our profile or even worse - my family. That makes me feel devastated, depressed and makes the mama bear in me ROAR. My protective instincts are so high strung. My boys are awesome. Corey is a devoted, involved, wonderful daddy. Braydon wants a baby so badly and he will be the world's best big brother. How dare someone make them second guess themselves. That alone is enough for me to consider throwing in the towel, so that we never have to experience that rejection again. So my boys never have to feel that kind of pain again.

 

Rash decisions aside, the big question that we are asking ourselves now is why? Why are we not being chosen? Why?

 

Waiting for our missing piece… XO&