In the beginning, optimism was easy. It was easy to look at a future date and imagine. Imagine a life where I was covered in spit up, overly exhausted and still trying to kill it as a preschool mom. I found it easy to look forward to a time this was true. It felt right to say things like ‘2018 is the year we will being a baby home” or “next Christmas we will be a family of four.” I loved looking forward. Dreaming.

Now, I genuinely hope that I am not becoming a pessimist, maybe a realist? I am no longer okay putting a date on my future. I found that the past year plus was spent holding my breath. The entire year was on hold waiting for the day that we would welcome our baby love. The problem with that is that I was so excited for this future that there were no plans made. I could barely plan a haircut let alone a vacation or just about anything else.

I’m not big into New Years resolutions, so at the start of the year I vowed not to make any promises. I didn’t. But as time progresses, I realized that my resolution (subliminal or not) was that I am making plans. Plans for fun, family and haircuts. Because plans can be broken, easily, and what my family and I need is to take a deep deep deep breath.

This month we have finished our home story. We also received another match (thank goodness) that we ended up passing on. Tell me. Would you like to know more about why we would pass on a match? I don’t want to share more than what is received. But, I will say that even being presented a match was so needed. I was starting to think that maybe it was me. Maybe we wouldn’t get a baby? But. Maybe. I am just becoming a realist.

We love you all.

XO&.