We had been matched for weeks. It started to sink in. Started to feel real and everyday we got more excited. More attached. It was late. We were laying in bed. We had been thinking about names since we started. We wanted a name that suited the baby we were gifted. It hit me. Hallie.

“Hey CJ, what about Hallie…?” “Yeah babe, I like it.”

The next day, sitting at work I sent a text… “CJ, I think her name is Hallie. I think I love it.” “I think I love it too.”

From that point on, everything was Hallie.

Birth Mom (BM) was raised by a single mother. Her mother was adopted and was an only child. She raised 6 kids, including BM, and worked with children struggling with Cerebral Palsy. She passed away when BM was 18.  BM talked about her mom a lot during lunch. How much she missed her, loved her and wanted to be a good mother in her honor.

Hallie would be BM’s fourth child. She had three young kids, two girls and one boy. They stayed with her part time due to an open case she had with DHS (Department of Human Services). Her oldest sister lived nearby and was acting as the temporary guardian of the kids.  When we talked about why she choose to make an adoption plan, it was pretty simple. Nothing was more important to her than getting her kids home full time and she did not have anything, emotionally or financially, to give to another baby.

We learned a lot about her and her family that day. Our conversation was sincere. I felt connected to her. I promised her that I would tell Baby Girl about her often. I told her I thought she was being a selfless mom. She told us that she would like us to name her. The next day we took BM to breakfast just the three of us. She brought us pictures of her previous ultrasounds and told us she put a care package together of hair products. I left Oklahoma feeling calm. I told Corey I didn’t want to leave because I would miss BM. That’s how much I genuinely liked and believed her.

Since then, a lot of lies and deceit have been discovered. Court documents were falsified. The DHS case worker was told a completely different version of BM’s story. People were not who they said they were. BM has fallen completely off of the radar. No one has heard or seen her in over a week.

Today, we officially confirmed with the agency that this adoption is ‘failed’.

Hallie is not coming home. All our dreams of a little curly haired girl have been shattered. Some may say that she was never ours, but she was. She was my girl. My Hallie.