Fun fact about Grace, I am not a religious person, but I consider myself to be very spiritual. I believe in something - I am just not sure what 'that' is. I believe that your actions have consequences. I believe in the golden rule. I grew up going to church every Sunday. While I may be unsure about this whole God thing, I believe strongly and passionately in Heaven.

 

When I imagine Heaven, I do not have a strong image of what it looks like, but I do believe that it is a joyful place where all of our past loved ones are together. I believe that you can be whatever age you want to be in Heaven. You can even change mid-day! Lastly, I believe that before babies are born to Earth they are in Heaven. I believe that our past friends and family members are hand selecting the 'perfect' babies to send to each of us. I find great comfort in the idea that our loved ones have held our babies, know our babies and our babies deep down know them too. Oh… And dogs. They also pick our puppies. :)

 

One year ago today, our village experienced an unimaginable loss. At 21 days old, Isabel Charlotte Zolna gained her angel wings and made her grand arrival in Heaven. Losing Isabel (aka Izzy) shook us to the core. Every day since then, we have celebrated her in beautiful pink sunsets and subsequently learned a lot about faith and family. We questioned our beliefs, our priorities, our existence and now our village stands bonded in an unbreakable way. Isabel - You would have called me Auntie Gracie. I would have kissed you, licked you (inside joke) and been in the front row of all your dance recitals. I love you. I love your Mama and Daddy. I miss you. I wish you were here every single day.

 

The hardest part of the adoption process for me has been matching. Every time we were paired with a Birth Mother who did not chose us I lost faith, self-esteem and confidence in the journey. I felt my heart break and harden. Even thinking of those sweet babies now, I miss them. I wish I could have taken them home. Every. Single. One.

 

All that said, I do believe that at the end of all this waiting a perfect baby is waiting for us. I know this to be true because, alongside our family and friends, Izzy is hand picking that baby for her Auntie Gracie. She is probably arguing (Do we fight in heaven!?!) with Grandma Jones, Grandma Bucenec, Pop-Pop, Grandma Christie and sooo many others about what we need in our family. Boy or Girl? Black or White? Smart? Funny? Challenging? Outgoing or Shy? It is no wonder that it took us so long to find our Baby Girl! A lot of people had to agree!

 

In Heaven, I imagine Izzy as the President of the Babies. (Are there Presidents in Heaven?) No single baby goes down to Earth without her stamp of approval. I think Izzy is probably 7 years old today. I bet she has sticky hands, curly hair and a tutu. There is probably a huge party in Heaven to celebrate the day she arrived. She is surely eating hot pink cupcakes with lots of glitter. I think she is glowing in happiness and love. And, I believe she is bouncing our future baby up and down on her knees.

 

Whitney and Jake - I truly believe that your girl has handpicked my girl. I wish they could both come down together. Man do I wish that! So until the day we are all joined in Heaven, our family will continue to celebrate Izzy in beautiful pink sunsets. And we will forever cherish the small piece of Izzy that our baby girl brought us from Heaven.

 

XO&.