Well, maybe not my whole heart, but definitely a piece. This past weekend, we traveled to Oklahoma City to spend time with our daughter's birth mom prior to delivery. For the sake of her privacy, I will call her BM in these updates. BM = Birth Mom… Get it? :)

 

The trip was highly encouraged by our new case worker, Natalie, who has been working with BM since she first came to the agency. It would be an opportunity to get to know BM before delivery. We booked flights and Natalie took care of our itinerary.

 

On Friday night, we met Natalie in the hotel lobby to review the itinerary and fill out some paperwork. Nothing to noteworthy. On Saturday, we were set to meet BM at an Ultrasound Boutique, which in short is a non-medical ultrasound where you can purchase keepsakes such as pictures, etc.

 

When we woke up on Saturday morning, we woke up to a rainy gloomy day. Now, rain is very special to us. It has rained on all of the most memorable days for our family. Our wedding day in Kauai. Our wedding reception in Denver. When we were admitted to the hospital to be induced. The next day when Braydon was born. And so CJ and I both felt pretty calm when we woke up to rain… It just made sense. It was baby day! We forced ourselves to eat breakfast and then we were off.

 

I didn't feel nervous until we were in the car. It was one of those moments when you know it is real life, but it felt like a dream. I just kept saying, "I can do this. I can do this." To which Corey would respond, "Yes, you can. Let's go meet our baby."

 

Natalie drove BM to the Ultrasound Boutique. They were sitting inside waiting for us when we arrived. We could see them through the shop window and immediately I felt reassured and calm. The 'Mama Bear' inside me switched on. This woman was surely more nervous than me and like Corey said, we were going to meet our baby. We walked in. Hugs. Some pleasantries. Then the Ultrasound Technician said to the group, "Okay, who is my adoptive mom?" "Hi, that's me!" (Eeekkk - I am the adoptive mom!)

 

We were shuffled into the ultrasound room. It looked like a bedroom. There was a twin bed with a quilt for BM to lay down. There were two couches, a huge TV, a few bookshelves covered in stuffed animals and of course an ultrasound machine. The room was painted a light violet purple. When BM first laid down, she immediately told us that the room was painted her favorite color. I don't know why that struck me as significant, but it did. Corey and I sat down on a black leather couch. The couch was next to the twin bed and I was closest to BM.

 

The ultrasound started and immediately… Heartbeat. I immediately lost my breath. It was so loud. So fast. (Normal baby fast - don't worry.) The Ultrasound Technician said to BM, "What is her heartrate usually?" BM replied confidently yet nonchalantly, "142 or 143…" We measured the heartrate. It was 143. Again, it felt significant.

 

BM then started telling us about her most recent doctor's appointment. She had just recently changed the hospital where she would deliver and therefore had a new OBGYN. She had met her new OBGYN on the previous Tuesday. BM's appointment included an ultrasound. As a result of the ultrasound, her new OBGYN decided to move her due date to Nov. 1st in lieu of Nov. 13th! When she told us this, I was so shocked. This meant she was 36 weeks pregnant.

 

Since baby was farther along than expected, it was difficult for the Ultrasound Technician to get a good picture of baby's face, but honestly Corey and I did not care one bit. Baby was head down (good girl) and facing BM's back. All we could see was a perfect round head and all I remember thinking was, "Oh. My. Gosh… She has a head!" It was so surreal to see anything on an ultrasound - it didn’t matter what it was.

 

BM didn't agree and kept apologizing we did not get a better picture. She was certain that she knew tricks to make baby turn her head. "Maybe if I empty my bladder? Maybe if I lay on my side? Maybe I didn't eat enough breakfast?" BM was so sincere and it was amazing listening to her talk about baby. It was apparent that she knew this baby better than anyone in the world. She knew what she liked and dis-liked… What made her move… What made her kick… And more importantly BM desperately loved this baby inside of her. She was cherishing every kick and hiccup while she still had her all to herself. It was beautiful.

 

Baby girl - If you are reading this someday, I want you to know that meeting BM struck me. I wish I could paint the picture more clearly. Both your daddy and I agree that the way she talked about you was humbling. She was so in love with you and wanted you to be safe inside her forever…. Well, except for that fact that you were a big girl (over 6lbs already) and were constantly kicking her. :)

 

Next, we had lunch…. More to come….

 

XO&

Driving to the Ultrasound Boutique: