Sorry this is long, there really just aren’t proper words in the English language to adequately describe what God has done in and since we’ve been to Uganda…

Isaiah and I have been on an incredible journey since we have been home from Africa.  The Lord has been doing wondrous things before our very eyes, moving mountains, and speaking to us in new, exciting, and terrifying ways. 

Isaiah and I had been planning on growing our family soon after returning from Africa.  Had it not been for our plans to even go to Uganda, we would have started growing our family even sooner.  We were thinking that maybe a month or two after we returned that we’d start trying to have kids…and then came the million shots and medicines required for even going!  Apparently we were both behind on a lot of immunizations.

Before leaving for Africa, I knew that Satan was trying his very best to prevent us from going.  We endured several hardships: two family deaths, extremely tight budgets, an expensive trip to the animal ER, and various other difficulties.  I knew deep within that these were not merely normal life struggles; these were attacks against God’s people.  I knew that I knew that I knew that somehow, someway, that God had something big in store for us for this trip.  I can’t explain how I knew that God was going to do something big, or even remotely what it was, I just knew within every fiber of my being.  Even my husband was not exactly thrilled to have his wife “drag him on a mission trip to Africa!” I had been so excited to go and had been dreaming about going there since I was 5.  I had several family members jokingly tease that we were going to come home with “a little African baby,” to which I replied, “don’t worry, that’s not in the plans!”

The Sunday before we left, we stepped out of our normal routine schedule of attending Asbury and drove to Sand Springs to hear Isaiah’s mother lead worship at her church—per her request.  While there, the pastor openly acknowledged us and prayed for us as we were about to set out on our journey.  The sermon that followed is what started to get our hearts prepared and what started to get me thinking.  The pastor spoke about the “spirit of adoption” and how we are all adopted into the kingdom and family of Christ.  I hadn’t really ever heard a sermon quite like that before, and not about that topic either.  How ironic that we were about to be on our way to go love on some orphans! 

Things started to change once we got to Africa.  During our stay, the Lord really started to reveal himself to us and challenge us in incredible ways: it severely helped to be unplugged from all of the distractions that plague Americans!  I had been on my fair share of short term mission trips before, too (not surprising, having grown up in Asbury!).  For some reason, I knew that I knew that I knew that this mission trip was going to be different.  Again, I didn’t know how that I knew…I just did.  And it wasn’t because of the poverty or the location or the people, I just knew that for some reason God had planned this trip to be different.  I knew that God was going to do something big on this trip—what that was, I had no idea, but I was constantly searching for it.  A couple of days into the trip, I was standing next to my husband when a woman walked by with a little baby girl.  Out of nowhere I heard Isaiah say “wow, that’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen!”  I was shocked and put on the defensive.  We are shamelessly biased about our niece, and Isaiah totally took me by surprise.  From then on I started to pay attention to Irene.  As I held her for the first time, I knew my husband was correct!  She really is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen!  I fell in love with her instantly.  As the days progressed, I tried to spend as much time with her as I possibly could, and every time Isaiah held her (she was totally smitten with him, by the way, which amused me!) the team would joke about us adopting her and even teased as Isaiah went through “daddy lessons” as he learned how to hold her, feed her, and take a little spit-up!  This teasing started to annoy Isaiah and put him on the defensive, but I didn’t give up my time with her!  I still wanted to spend every second that I could holding that precious baby girl!  In my mind I started to think “hmm, what if we did adopt her? What if we did become her parents?  That’d be cool…but is that in God’s plan?”  I didn’t realize it then, but in those moments I started learning how to put God’s plan before my own.  I had always had a heart for adoption, and had known that I wanted to adopt someday even since I was a little girl.  I didn’t have a preference as to where from or what the child looked like, I just knew even at a young age that there are children out there who want, need, and long for loving families like I had growing up.  Isaiah wasn’t so keen on the idea when we got married and before leaving Tulsa.  However, midway through the trip one night I was asking Isaiah about his thoughts about orphans and adoption.  His response again surprised me.  He said “I’m now more open to it than I ever have been.  Something about coming here and hanging out with all these orphans has made it real to me.”

By now God had been working in our hearts and really starting to change us individually.  He started to reshape our worldviews and how we viewed and treated our personal relationships with Christ.  I had grown up in a Christian home, and had always known God, so I never really had a “turning point” in my faith to point to.  That’s different, now.  As the trip started coming to a close, I was still searching for that “big thing” that God was going to do.  I still knew He was going to do it, I just didn’t know what that looked like, and I had seen and experienced some pretty incredible and miraculous things by then!  After each experience, I would ask God, “was that it?”  and just knew in my spirit that no, it wasn’t.  I started to get anxious and started to doubt.  Maybe I was wrong?  Maybe God wasn’t going to do something “big” and I had just worked myself up.  Still, I held on to the belief that God was going to show up and do this “miraculous thing”—whatever it was (even though He already had shown up countless times).

Towards the end of our stay I started to get serious about my thoughts towards Irene.  Two days before leaving Uganda I had an encounter with God that I have never had in my entire life.  I prayed to God and He gave me specific answers—quickly—to my prayers…and even extra confirmations that I had not asked for!  I had been used to and expecting total silence! Long story short, I had prayed to God that if we were supposed to adopt Irene, that He would make it absolutely clear to me and give me a sign.  The sign that I asked for, as I was standing under the mango tree and Irene was being held by someone (whom I did not know) on the other side of the chapel, was that Irene would look at me and point.  I was being discrete about it, but I was just simply watching her from under the tree at the time.  Not only did she fulfill this sign that I had asked for, but she did it three separate times after each time I had prayed for that sign specifically.  God was very patient with me!  Being the over-analytical person that I was, I prayed to God one more time and fully surrendered my will and my plans and my control to Him.  I knew that He had a plan for me and my husband, and no matter what happened God was in control.  I was fully prepared to accept the fact that God didn’t want us to adopt Irene and move on.  I just simply wanted to know so that I could move on if that’s what God wanted.  This time I asked that if God wanted us to adopt her, then the woman who was holding Irene (whom I didn’t know at the time and had not previously met, so she didn’t know about my relationship with her) would walk over to me and hand Irene to me so that I could hold her.  The important thing was that I didn’t want to initiate this sign in any way so that I would know that it was God and not me.  Lo and behold, Irene pointed to me and the woman walked over to me and handed her off for me to hold.  As she did this, the woman greeted me by saying “this baby loves you, she has been looking at you and pointing to you many times!”  I nearly lost it there.  God had not only patiently confirmed for me each of my signs that I had asked for, but He threw in one more for good measure to silence all of my doubts!   From that moment on, I knew what the “big thing” was that God was going to do.  And I didn’t just know…I knew that I knew that I KNEW that this was it.  The puzzle pieces started making sense to me: the personal attacks before leaving for the trip, the jokes about adoption, the shift in Isaiah’s heart, the sermon…they all started to fit together.  After this happened, I kept it all quiet from my husband.  I didn’t say or leak a word to him.  When we finally left Uganda and I had to say good-bye to Irene, it felt like my heart had been yanked from my chest and I was forced to leave it behind.  It was horrible.

Mountains really started moving once we got home.  I kept my mouth shut about my experience with God and Irene towards my husband.  I knew that if this was real, that God would work on Isaiah’s heart separately.  I didn’t want to influence Isaiah’s decision in any way that could drive a wedge in our marriage.  It was no coincidence that as soon as we got home, our community group at Asbury began to study the Radical series by David Platt.  Things started making even more sense.  Life started making sense.  Both my husband and I had finally started allowing God to have a real place in our lives.  Had we studied the Radical series before we had left, I don’t think any of it would have really “clicked.”  Things have been “clicking” now.  We have been challenged to give more, and we have been doing it with joyful hearts.  We have been facing the normal, American distractions head on and find their power weakening towards us now.  They don’t hold prominent places in our hearts anymore.  Even more than that, we have found a real hunger for the Word and sharing the Word with those around us.  That doesn’t mean things have necessarily gotten easy for us, it’s just easier for us to carve time out of our so-called “busy” schedules now to really chase after God’s heart and His Will!  We have started asking the Lord to direct every facet of our lives, not just the ones we were comfortable with surrendering.  This was no “mission trip high” (and I’ve had my fair share of those).  For the first time in my life, this was real.

Almost a month after we returned, Isaiah and I were in a coffee shop discussing life post-Africa.  That’s when he looked at me and for the first time said, “you know, I’ll be honest: I keep going back and forth about adopting Irene.”  This was a miracle to me—his heart had been so closed towards the possibility of us adopting since we’d been married!  I had been asking the Lord when I should tell Isaiah my story, and knew that when Isaiah brought it up specifically—without my initiation—that that was the right time to tell him.  So I did.  For the next month we wrestled with the possibility of adopting her.  New questions started cropping up: if we did adopt her, when should we adopt her?  Should we have our own kids first?  We actively sought answers to our questions, and God was faithful to answer us.  We started praying, seeking wisdom and council, and fasting.  We went to go see doctors and had two separate opinions that stated the same thing: that it wasn’t even safe for me to conceive children yet with all of the immunizations I had to have and the malaria medicine I had to take.  Then we decided to attend an informative seminar about international adoption at Dillon.  It was then that we learned that most places and organizations don’t allow families to adopt out of birth order.  That’s what confirmed the decision for me.  I knew then that we were supposed to adopt Irene first, I just didn’t know when we should start.  I prayed that the Lord would direct Isaiah’s footsteps and decisions and that when he decided to move forward, that would be the right time.  Never before have we asked God for so much direction and allowed God to really move every decision we make, but throughout this process, we have been wholeheartedly allowing God to direct every footstep.  Finally, after listening to a sermon by our pastor regarding anxiety, we surrendered.  Isaiah made the decision to move forward in pursuing adoption for Irene.  We realized that we had hoarded so much anxiety over the situation and allowed the “what ifs?” to play with our minds.  We surrendered our anxiety, our control, our lack of control, everything to God that day!

Since then we have told our immediate families about our decision so that they could join us in prayer.

All in all, the Lord has created within us a heart for pursing adoption for Irene, and He has moved incredible mountains and challenges before our very eyes!  For the first time in my life, I can wholly say that God is God, and I can surrender to His plans—even if they’re scary or uncomfortable at first.  He is in control, His plans are better than ours, and we surrender daily to His Will and long to have the Holy Spirit not just guide our footsteps, but move them for us.