6/12/19

When things don’t go how I thought they would go, and when my adoption process has taken two years (and counting), and my child is growing older and still doesn’t know us, I have a hard time seeing why God would allow our plans, our paperwork, and our relationships to develop any way but efficiently.  Why wouldn’t God want the good things that I want? Wouldn’t it be better if Asher were home with us than living in an orphanage on the other side of the world?

Over the last week, I have coincidently heard the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead about 6 times, and it is only Tuesday.  The mourning sisters (Mary and Martha) repeatedly reason that if only Jesus had been there, this bad thing would not have happened. Jesus did know about Lazarus’ illness in time to save His friend from dying, but He chose to take his time getting there.  Something I can’t ignore, though I have heard this story countless times in the past without really noticing it so much, is that Jesus kept telling everyone what He was going to do, but no one was actually listening to Him. He flat out told them that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but they just couldn’t fathom that Jesus might know His friend was dying and do nothing to stop it. The only good, happy, God-ordained sequence of events they could fathom at the time was the one where no one actually died.  When Lazarus died, and Jesus didn’t even come until 4 days later, it was obvious to everyone that He was “too late.” But later, Lazarus was raised from the dead.

I also heard a story in the book of 2 Chronicles that I don’t remember hearing before.  Israel, while under the leadership of Jehoshaphat, learns that they are about to be attacked by 3 other nations.  Instead of gathering an army together to give themselves the best fighting chance, Jehoshaphat tells everyone to gather at the temple to fast, pray, and ask God what they should do.  When under attack, it is not the most prudent plan to consolidate your targets, to starve, and to be nonproductive. Instead of leading them to defend themselves, Jehoshaphat admitted that he didn’t know what to do and led the people in a prayer.  After the fasting and praying, God told them that He would take care of things. They wouldn’t even need to fight. They had so much faith that they would not need to fight against the 3 angry nations coming after them that they paraded out toward the battle with people singing on their front lines.  This is generally a terrible way to advance toward people who want to kill you, but they just danced forward in faith and sang, “Thank the Lord, because His love endures forever!” When Jehoshaphat’s group approached the valley, they saw that the 3 nations had destroyed one another instead. Imagine if Israel had not paused, prayed, and fasted but instead rushed to battle to defend themselves.  This timeline where they waited before acting saved their lives.

God is not always going to tell us what He is doing and why.  Sometimes things that we think are bad or unfair are going to happen.  But that doesn’t mean God is not there or that He is not doing His job.  Who are we to tell Him what His job is? He can see so much more and so much farther than we can.  I am convinced that under any circumstances, our adoption would have taken this long. Two years feels like too long of an amount of time, but if that’s what God knows is the best thing for us, then the mean time is best spent with a good attitude.  I can agonize and stress and cry, or I can have peace and joy and trust knowing that God is working it all out. When I plan things, I don’t want my kids stressing and demanding to know all of the details; I want them to know that I love them and plan good things for them.  Dancing and singing while we wait is time better spent than crying and looking for reasons. God told Abraham and David what he promised to do in their lives years and years before they ever saw it come to pass. And they were some of His favorite people. It’s faith building to have to wait, but it develops hope.

Often when we suffer or come up against something we feel is unjust, we default to comparing ourselves to Job. We tell our little souls, "Something bad has happened that I don't deserve, and we shall never know why! Maybe God will bless me in the end (*insert sad face and a sigh)."  I have nothing against Job; in fact, I find his story extremely valuable in my relationship with God, but I wonder why we don't compare our hardships more often to Joseph. It's easy to pretend we're a victim of our circumstances, but Joseph's story shows how a Godly man came against multiple incidences of hardship and moved forward through the rough times; he kept his faith in God's goodness and was blessed for his perseverance and faith and faithfulness and work ethic and integrity. He seemed to constantly make lemonade out of the lemons in his life. When sold into slavery, he worked so hard that his master made him head of his household. When wrongfully thrown into prison, he reformed and improved the prison system. When faced with the warning of a famine, he oversaw and designed systems that would protect multiple nations from starvation. Because of all he had been through with God, Joseph knew God would work things out if Joseph just kept doing what was right. He consistently did the difficult and mundane and thankless things that must have been hard to justify at times. His faith and perseverance gave him hope. Paul says in Romans that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. This is the faith I try to emulate-- faith that pushes forward and doesn't get paralyzed by looking backward or around in difficult times. Faith sees how God carries us through confusing times and brings us to new opportunities we didn't know were there. A setback as we perceive it may be a step in the right direction from an eternal perspective. Our plans and our ways are so finite compared to God's.

I remember how training for a half-marathon was largely a mental exercise. When I would get tired, I would have to tell myself to just keep moving my feet no matter how I felt. That discipline produced hours of peace when my body caught up with my brain and eventually enjoyed the exercise. I literally just had to keep moving. The peace followed the discipline.  While waiting for Asher, God has allowed our family to have many experiences and blessings, and with the passing of time comes maturity and knowledge. Though it seems counterintuitive, it is best for Asher to be where he is and for us to remain here growing in every way we can. I know God's timing will be best for everyone involved. I might not know exactly what that means yet, but fruit sometimes takes a while to develop. Biting too soon may just taste sour.

Right now, our dossier of paperwork is in Washington DC, and hopefully we will see it delivered to China at the end of June.  Please keep praying for all of these stamps and signatures.  We love you and will keep you updated!  

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4