First let me start by saying that this update is a long one, and it does have a point.  If you are short on time but are interested in what’s going on in our adoption process, skip to the end.  For those of you who want to stick in there with me, read on.

As we approach the end of the year, especially this year with all the chaos it has had to offer us, I know many people who are skipping straight over Thanksgiving and are well into celebrating Christmas.  2020 certainly has been a hard year to be thankful, so it’s no wonder that Turkeys are being stuffed under the table while Christmas movies are in full swing.  

I know I have been thinking about (and admittedly watching) the much beloved cheesy Christmas movies lately.  Not only do they all end happy but they follow the same pleasantly predictable plot that allows us to sit back worry free by the time we reach the dramatic crisis.  Now, if you’ve seen any of these movies, you know exactly what I am talking about.  If not, they pretty much go like this- hero (usually heroine) has ok life but is missing something, missing something is identified, whimsical but usually lovely and mostly romantic circumstances follow, just when all seems to be going great a terrible something happens (dramatic climax) to throw our hero into turmoil and confusion.  Now knowing that by the end of the story, the problem faced will not only be cleared up but things will actually be better than they were just prior to the crisis lets us go through the problem with very mild feelings of discomfort. Why? Because we know that the beautiful resolution is just around the corner.

Now I’m hoping this isn’t a revelation to us all, but our actual lives are NOT a cheesy Christmas movie.  So unlike them we don’t know what the end of the story will be.  Like Christmas movies, however, we certainly can expect a dramatic climax.  In reality, we can expect several, sometimes in quick succession (see 2020).  And the sobering truth of this is that we cannot say what kind of an ending we are heading toward.  It could be a comedy, a mystery, a romance, or a tragedy.  It’s for that very reason that being in a dramatic climax is often so very stress inducing and fear producing.  

So I guess I have reached the point where my ramblings now need to meet the explaining.

Up until this point we have had an outpouring of support from this amazing community.  We have had a beautiful little girl and her wonderful extended family in our sights.  We have started building our lives around the near eventuality that we would be “mom” and “dad” to this precious little one.  And while it is our dearest wish that this IS what is in store for us, Shant and I are in the dramatic climax.  

————/this is where the people who need to skip a bit start/————

As much as we understood that she was on board, birth mom has appeared on the scene this week and is not sure what she wants anymore.  As painful and hard as this is for us it certainly isn’t without hope.  We had a very pleasant conversation with her and she is thinking through everything.  As hard as this mind changing is on our end, the amount of turmoil a mom goes through in giving up her child cannot be diminished.  So we wait and pray. We are praying and hoping that at the end of the day what is best for this child will prevail.  

We have come to love this particular little girl and pray that there is some happy outcome for all parties ... Who knows, Christmas miracles do happen.  But while we don’t know if this is a cheesy Christmas movie, a mini-series drama, or even a tragedy, we do know one thing.  Adoption is HARD.  It is hard for those being adopted.  It is hard for those giving their child for adoption.  It is hard for adoptive parents.  If you learn anything about this beautiful and painful process through us, I am thankful.  Even more, if seeing the harness of adoption but the diligent pursuit of a little one makes you think even for one second about how YOU yourself were sought and adopted by your loving Heavenly Father then I can (with tears) say that this was enough.